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 Let's talk about the trauma of me not dating anyone. I am currently 26 years old. I really want a relationship but it scares the living shit outta me cuz I am scared to introduce them to my family. Now to tell you about my family, one is a drunkard abusive (father) another is submissive and I am no better and my sister doesn't seem to be doing anything to make her life. and I have a abusive piece of shit for a grandfather who curses and talking shit alot (by shit i mean accuses us of witchcraft calls us witch and threatens to kill every other day). and with that my will of living decrease by the speed of light. Honestly, every time i feel like I'm getting better or there is a relationship that have high potential of sailing. I just feel like there is a tumor in my lung that stop me from being in one. I am embarrassed by my so called family as it makes no progress over years. Our relationship is no better. Im scared that the shit that goes down in my family i would drag a p...

Today Well today someone made history by throwing the shoe at my mum and cursing her in public.. Its not like it dint happen at the past but again he said that the dog he just adopted will burn his body i mean cremate his body not his daughter. Mourn instead. Fine by me. Well, guess that doesn't make me A daughter huh??? TBH it doesnt even bother me but its uncomfortable to be here... Im used to it well its been 22 years but my mums suffering alot and this time rn is against me... nothings going right like getting a jobs is like trying to climb Mt. Annapurna. its getting me nowhere. Studies i have like 3 months left till i finish College... honestly i just feel pathetic. I dont have a place to go. I really need a place to escape this pathetic feeling. not just me but mum and my sister too. Suggestion to get rid of this horrible feeling??? Death?? I feel really sick to my stomach... hearts beating faster than it should. Whats should i do to pass this time...? Its like worlds steppin...

Why do I  have to hear stay alive and be okay from a song?? Why do I have to hear dont cry and i'll be with you from a song?? When I feel this compression in my chest, why do I have to be brave on my own?? Why?? I dont want to. 2018/6/21

Every day is hard when somebody's messing with your head and you are kind of worried and concerned about your mental health You listen to your dad shouting, cursing with rage That's when you wish you were gone, That's when you wish you were Dead. No money, No love is enough to satisfy commence Long nights with you and your deep thought and it's hard to come to your sense Is it just anxiousness or I can't control my head? It's that time again where I hope I was Dead. Each time I go through these kind of thought I think about the lives that we've lost I'm a disappointment I know and it's making me insane. I wish that I could stop breathing at once, now and then. Just cut me up and take what's left got no soul to preach, no life to save. but He came up close to offer himself we almost met once His name is Death How many liters of tears I need to flow? How much more? I need to learn and grow? How much heartless do I ne...

15/12/2014 Wow! I'm surprised you actually tried to kill me I guess not cuz it was one of your dream I'm scared of heights, I'm at top and I'm screaming You push me down, I cannot believe what I'm seeing, Dad? You're supposed to be my first love and my first mentor You've gotta pick me up and be there after what I've been through I guess you regret I'm your daughter not a SON If   you don't like me just say it and then I'm gone. (I think you still regret the day that I was born) Father Father Father I don't want you to be a murder If you didn't want me, then why the fuck did you fathered me? I see other's father kissing on their daughters cheeks She says "I'm so embarrassed" but she says "Im used to it" You've said many bad things to me but I was always by your side You tried to hurt and you're my father I can't deny. Its just sad to see you fail both being HUSBAND and a D...

The way you look at me Makes me wanna be better even I'm not Even I’ve gone too far to be seen again I keep the feeling to myself I suffocate inside I’m trembling with my words Shaking with my lies Never tried to be your cuz you’re not really mine Cuz you must have to be someone, other guy You seem to be happy with your girl But it’s okay I will make you mine But maybe not this time Cuz you were not mine to take Everything I wanted was just a lie Exchanging our fate to separate Silence overflows the pain Now it’s time to stop Time to end this “one sided love”